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  • Writer's pictureCasper de Leuw

Coming Home

By the time I am posting this it is already past midnight. But just like 6 years ago, "today" ends when you go to sleep, right?

Today, 3rd June, is our 6 year anniversary. 6 years ago around this time we were dancing the night away in Castello Zamittello - it was a beautiful day!

Today was not the anniversary we imagined back then. But, today was a beautiful day nonetheless.

It started quite rough but all in all it was really good.

Let me start with the rough side though. Medically speaking there is not much they can do for Angele, apart from trying to suppress her symptoms and keep her as comfortable as possible. She is in palliative care, and they are taking good care of her. But there's no treatment plan to treat anything to make her "better" anymore. Nearly two weeks ago the doctors predicted that it could be a matter of days before she would pass away, and now, maybe days, maybe weeks. But also, the doctors can't really explain why Angele is as good as she is.

How she is is hard to explain. At times she is far away, sleeping with her eyes half open, barely breathing and with a half-open mouth. At times she is sleeping peacefully. Other times she is a bit confused and uttering strange things. And then seemingly out of nowhere she is wide awake, smiling, happy, joking with the people around her, and eating with so much joy and pleasure that it makes your heart melt.

This morning when I came in I found her in the first state. Grey face, barely breathing and far away. Bit of fear creeping in. Then she woke up and "demanded" the sushi that I promised her yesterday, and she munched away at it like crazy. She loves sushi, but seeing her eat it like this gives it a new dimension... Family visiting, friends visiting, and she was happy, and talking, and sharing memories.

This woman is still surprising me every day and today she left me in awe. She was loving, she was joking, she pooped, she ate as if her life depends on it (and it literally does!) and she leaves people smiling and crying at the same time!

This evening I came back to hospital after putting the kids to bed, and I left her while she was falling asleep again but not after feeding her 2 more yoghurts and all the sushi leftovers. She was happy, pleased with the day. Just truly amazing, and so much more than I expected of today.

A few days ago I mentioned that I want to get her home. And she is, if she stays in her current state for another day and a half. Monday should be moving day, she's coming home.

So, what better song to go with the occassion than Coming Home, played by the band that performed on our wedding 6 years ago.

I honestly don't know how things will turn out in the days and weeks to come. But Angele is coming home.

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