It's been 3 months since Angele passed away. Just over 6 months since I had a proper conversation with her. And I have to admit these last few weeks have been tough on me. I'm keeping it together most of the time, the kids are little champs and they are happy most of the time, but it isn't easy. Nobody ever said it would be easy, but right now I just really miss Angele.
This morning we went to a birthday party. On the way back we passed the place where we took the last family pictures back in April. And it's these little things that hit hard right now. I am driving, while Jessie and Tobias are cheering and in awe of the goodie bag they got at the party, and I am fighting back tears while Queen is playing in the background - you've got to face it all alone. Jessie: "I love this song, play it louder!"
And then when the song is finished she requests the next song: "Play if you're lost and you're lost". By which she means "It's ok" from Nightbirde, the song that pushed Angele through her chemo.
One of the quotes from Nightbirde was right in line with what Angele believed in too:
"You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy"
It is what I try to live by, even though at times it is freaking hard. There's tons of messages that I have been ignoring, because just making sure we all get through the day in one piece is enough effort. I will get back to all of you though. I hope you understand. For now I "just" need to deal with my body and the detox of all the stress and pressure it's been through over the last months and years.