2022 the year which started with a diagnosis
Which then was followed by a prognosis
The sky was heavy, and the mood was gloomy
My body deteriorated fast, and I lost all my autonomy
Cancer took over my body, I could not eat, sit, or walk
No energy was left in me to be able to talk
Rational decisions were made
But I quickly started to fade
I needed people to wash me, feed me and to lift me to the commode
I felt a lot of shame but none of it was showed
I wore diapers to provide relief to my carers
As this meant less work for my bearers
As a mother, my heart was broken everyday
As my children had to stay away
For my protection the doctor said
But it got me closer to being dead
Children suffered with separation
But we could give no explanation
You need to live for your children they said
However, time with me they started to dread
With treatment I lost all my hair
Ended up with a hairstyle I would never dare
At the end of the day, it made me feel appreciation
While also giving me a sense of liberation
But the pain was unbearable, I screamed, and I cried
My parents helplessly stood by my side
Hope was lost and the will to live was fading
Fever spiked and for the ambulance we were waiting
My family all came to say their goodbyes
I felt weak, could barely open my eyes
Positive and encouraging words they brought
While visibly distraught
I could not help but think the end was near
As I was loaded in the ambulance, I could feel fear
Is this the last time I see the people I adore?
I felt I cannot hold on for much more.
I heard the doctor say my heart may stop
And the fever would not drop
All levels were out of range
I needed to make a change
A will to live ignited inside of me
With the words of the doctor, I could not agree
I felt like I had a fire raging in my heart
How will I make sure my circumstances do not make me fall apart?
I knew I had to open my heart and quiet the mind
And for this, meditation was the tool I managed to find
I became a different person
But this gave me no guarantee, things will not worsen
I meditated endlessly each day
But my symptoms could not be kept at bay
I worked hard to focus on the positive in my life
However, the words of the doctors cut like a knife
In hindsight, the cancer has been a blessing
It showed me the things that I needed to be addressing
Stress, guilt, anxiety, fear and frustration
Were the emotions keeping me in a low vibration
I learnt that I needed to focus on the positive
This was my prerogative
I learnt to believe in a different future for myself
Different from what is outlined in the books on the doctor’s shelf
I now know that giving is as beautiful as receiving
That it is ok to let go and be forgiving
It is also okay to ask for help when you are in need
I learnt to overcome my ego as that was the only way I could be freed
I now can appreciate small things and big things in life
Being able to stand, sit, walk, and run makes me feel rife
I needed to be physically stopped so that I can smell the flowers
It was not easy, and I needed to meditate for hours
I learnt that this journey is not linear
There are a lot of things we need to bear
But if we truly believe and surrender to a different possibility
We will be positively surprised by our inner ability
My husband lost his job for being dedicated to his family
We did not stress, cry or worry about our bleak financial calamity
As we knew that this is irrelevant in the bigger picture
We believed that the universe is working towards a better future
As I focus on positivity, I understand that I do not have guarantees
I do not know whether I will overcome my disease
I may live for less than another year as predicted by the medics
Or I could live for longer and beat the statistics
I will for sure dedicate the rest of my life however long it is
To inspire others with the story of my diagnosis
I want to help others by sharing my experience, struggle and teaching
In the hope that you find something that is enriching
2022 has been the worst year
As my old self had to disappear
2022 has been my best year
As my renewed self, had to appear
Looking forward to the new year
With a lot of enthusiasm and cheer
Whatever it may bring, I hope to always remember I am in control
Of my thoughts and my emotions while giving grace to my beautiful soul